Who am I?

I'm not asking you. I'm asking myself. Perhaps i'm too young too really ponder in depth this question, but really i must ask myself because i have been frustrated with this recently. This as in trying to discover what my personality is.

It seems I have two sides to me. The public and the private. Of course i'm not a celebrity or anything, so i find it incredibly bizarre that i contain two opposing personalities inside of me. and i'm serious.

My Public side obviously, happens when i'm in public. In my case, mostly in classrooms. I love to laugh, i'm one of the loudest, I crack jokes. I take charge, I try to negotiate with everyone, I'm the one who isn't afraid to raise her hand 500 times even if the answer might not be right. The simple act of simply being a part of something is what fulfills this side. Everyone will nominate me to do something. I am the one who gets everyone to take a class picture when the entire class is too lethargic to move. I'm the glue to our classmates. Yet I can safely say I have but only one friend and that friendship is extremely thin.

This is due to my Private Side. My socially inept side that analyzes before she speaks, that is afraid of getting an answer wrong; the side that hinders my public laughable side, the side that is cynical and only laughs at instances that after much analytical thinking are truly truly funny. *Not that i fake a laugh* This is the side I tend to enjoy. I purposely don't involve myself with others in extracurriculars or social functions because im simply not interested and see no point. This is my shrewd side. THe side that i'll act all shy and innocent when really i'm planning my next checkmate.

It seems that my public side has an on and off switch. Once its off, my private side comes on. I find that my public side shows only if i'm backed up my members. As well, i'm not the star when it comes to one on one conversations. When it comes to individuality, this is where i struggle. My private side takes over it seems, as I assume I have no one to latch on to. Perhaps its because i'm unsure of myself. If i am standing next to a teacher at the water cooler alone, a conversation doesn't strike. I am reluctant to make conversation because I find no point in it. Yet this is in direct contrast to my public side, where i'm the loudest, the one who laughs the most, etc.

I dont have a strong presence. Sure, i'm confident when i'm in public mode *also in private mode although I tend to question myself rather more* but if you lack a strong presence, that hinders a relationship between you and an individual. My private side is always looking for people that I need to build relationships with. Either for a practical purpose or somehow because this will benefit me. I'm looking for the point. And when your looking for the point, its hard, for me because i'm not a great bullshitter, to elicit a nice flowing natural conversation. There fore my one on one conversations are not very memorable.

I am quite modest and this statement I say this arrogantly because it's too true. My private side abhors this modesty, as it knows its better and that one day this can prove to be my downfall *business or politics*. Yet I don't want to step on anyones toes so to speak. A constant battle between me and modesty. I must find balance.

This is also the reason why I despise arrogant people even more than most people do. I am suffering the pain of modesty whereas the arrogance are proudly showing off what I have already thought because, again, their arrogant.

Perhaps I am really the socially inept character. But if this is so, where did this public side derive from as I never experienced it before 9th grade. I was always shy. Suddenly I wasn't,

I'm not shy. I'm modest, calculative, and specious. I'm ambiguous. But I have no personality. The only aspect that I can think of now that makes me different from most people is that I have a goal in life. No. I KNOW what I want in life. I KNOW exactly what I want in general. Not the occupation, but I know what I want, the only thing that can satisfy me.

I want knowledge and I want to make a difference. I want to have my own wikipedia page and be remembered. I WANT TO BE REMEMBERED. Thats what I want. Perhaps this is the motive behind my public side, because there is nothing else. There is no other motive. Maybe it's because I really do like fun, do care about friendship....or not.

I have never cared about friendship. I don't see myself having an everlasting friendship. Mutual companions is what I get. And i'm content with that fact, which means I must not care about friendship.

No one remembers the shy girl in the corner. Yet it is the shy girl that will succeed because that shy girl is actually not shy but scrutinizing every opportunity and keeping quite because she doesn't want to let others know of the existence of an open opportunity. You see how shrewd I am? It's hard to analyze while in public mode. So when opportunities come, I must slip to the private mode. I'm doing my best to incorporate the two.

Take Care
B

Serving Others: Truth about Tenderloins

2 Corinthians 6:1 “As God’s fellow workers we urge you not to receive God’s grace in vain.”

BEFORE YOU STOP AND DISMISS THIS 

ARTICLE, PLEASE JUST AT LEAST READ THE 

HIGHLIGHTEED PHRASES AKA THE ONES IN 

COLOR IF YOU DONT WANT TO READ THE 

WHOLE ARTICLE. THANK YOU.

IT IS THE TRUTH ABOUT THE TENDERLOINS.

There is always that one Place, that one part of the city that no one ever wants to go to. That Place is usually where are the Tenderloins are. Now why do people dislike going to these places? Fear, Unsecure, Stinky, Crazy, Drugs, are usually some of the main reasons. But have you ever thought about Why the Place aka Tenderloins, were created in the first place? Where did it originate from?



I currently live in San Francisco, and the tenderloins are centered right in between all the government buildings, the shopping plazas, those 5 Star Hotels, and other tuorists sites. Now if you didnt know, Tuorism is the #1 money making business that San Francisco has. So bascially, all our money is depended on  Tuorism.  And this is a reason that the Tenderloins here, are thought to be so bad. Officers prevent Tourists from going into the Tenderloins “for their safety”. The police want to protect the Tourists of course, after all thats where all our money comes from. And thats where the idea of “Tenderloins = Dangerous” came from. But if you label all people in the Tenderloins as crazy, lazy-bumbs who took too many drugs, didnt go to school, too lazy to get a job, and that screwed up their lives because it was their fault, you are completely I-N-C-O-R-R-E-C-T. 

People: Now who are in the tenderloins? The Poor. The Drug Addicts. Immigrants just starting out. All in all, they are “People Who Are Down On Their Luck”. But calling them “Dangerous” is an absolute lie.
Those people who have been “Down on their Luck” are just regular people like you and me. This might sound like a cliche, but it is simply the truth.  They need to eat, need to sleep, girls need tampons, and they do activities like us. I have spoken to many people getting free food at this organization called Saint Anthony’s. I have dined with them, and I am still alive. My point being, these people are incredibly kind. And even grateful! When they say “Thank You” they say it because they mean it. Their heart is truly in what they say, unlike when the words “Thanks” is commonly used among teenagers like myself for very small matters that really dont matter at all.

Some of these poeple exercise, and even care for their health! I have met one guy that said he disliked punch because it has too much sugar in it. We had a conversation about health. I met another guy who said he was a student at CalTech. He was incredibly smart, and even showed me his student ID from 2009-2010. He was telling me how if one learns latin, then they could basically learn any other language. How did he get here? He had no money to continue on to college, and his parents kicked him out for another unknown reason. My point, There are smart people in the Tenderloins. There are people who care about themeselves in the Tenderloins. Most people are also very kind hearted. They had have just bad luck.

Drugs: How do drugs get involved? Well, beleive it or not, it is usually the people from Oakland, outside of the City, that come to the Tenderloins and sell their drugs to the people. And in turn, drug addicts are formed. Now you might argue that “Well it was his choice to take the drug. If he took it, I can’t help him. He deserves his result.” And I counter your argument by saying that once you take a drug, if you become addicted to it, you no longer have the “choice“ to choose wether or not you want to take it because you have already been addicted. Look up the word addiction. You’ll see what I mean.

Community: The Tenderloins are also a community. People become friends with one another, talk about the Giants with one another, and their lives and yada yada. Why is this one place filled with these poeple? Well, look at it this way. If everyone else has free dress, and you came to school wearing your uniform, you would feel pretty uncomfortable wouldnt you? Well if you sleep on the street of some rich neighborhood, no matter how good hearted your intention was, someone’s gunna call the cops. And that is why the tenderloins are filled with these people. Because they are simply more comfortable around each other. Also, all the services that give out “Free Food” are located here as well.



 And why are there poor in the Tenderloins? Its because the government neglects them. Think about it. There is enough food in the world, how can people be possibly hungry? And yet, there are a huge amount of hungry people out there. It is because of the Greedy.The ones in poverty have been forced into poverty. No one wants to help what they already beleive are the “hopeless” or they dont deserve it because they didnt go to school or something like that. But have you actually talked to any of these people? Have you ever asked “Whats your name?” or “How’d you get here?” You must see the picture in all perspectives, not just one.


Think about it.


-Bernice

AND THIS IS MY STAND ON THE TOPIC OF TENDERLOINS